"I’d like to make one of those ‘It Gets Better’ ads for just dumpy, young guys. We could use a little help, a little encouragement, just somebody on T.V.: ‘Listen, man. I know it’s tough right now. You’re vaguely heavy with no face. You have zero value on the sexual marketplace. You feel invisible to the girls in school because you are. But it gets better. Because you all grow up, and you pretty much just look like this your whole life. And they don’t. Their options start running out really fast and you’re gonna be there. As long as you stay relatively employed and washed, you’re gonna be amazing in your 40s. You’re gonna be the branch she can grab before she hits the ground. It’s gonna be so great. It just takes time for her circumstances to match your looks, but it’s gonna happen. It’s gonna happen. When real shit matters, you’re gonna be the sexiest motherfucker in the world.’"